SOMEdays

Mysterious Child's Mom writes again.

I've taken Ben to a phycologist 3 times now. I'm not sure this is helping so far. I'm not sure if I'm doing something to "hurt" his self image. I'm not sure I should be going.

Some days I just think I need to lighten up.

Counselling

Mysterious Child's Mom writes again.

Ben's Doctor has been offering us meds for a long time now. I'd say since he was 3. I've resisted and there were days that I even considered it. This last time I filled a meds script for 2 weeks, then decided against doing that. He was so depressed that week, it was awful. The spark went out.

The Doctor also recommended that he go to a counsellor and maybe he could learn some coping techniques there. We've gone once now. It wasn't enough to let us know if this will be helpful but it wasn't a bad experience in anyway. I do hope he'll give ME coping tips and help ME with how to reach my son better.

Going all out ... to find what's best for my boy.

To Label a Disorder or not?

Mysterious Child's Mom writes again.

What is a label? ADD, ADHD, OCD, Autism = what exactly? Yes, they help us find on line, the kinds of treatments available. They help us know what to "expect" from our mysterious child. They also tell others what to expect from them.

I want my son to have every chance to be who he is, not what people expect from the label assigned him. Which means, so far, I have nothing to type in the search engine to find my child on line. Some days, that is frustrating. Other days, that is liberating.

Oh, I know many others have found a label has afforded them respite, funding and a teacher's aid. I do not begrudge them that. Lord knows, we all need a little help sometimes. So why am I so leery to have my son labeled?

What's in a name?

Health Take Teamwork; Everybody involved.

Mysterious Child's Mom writes again.

I've been trying to focus on how best to help Ben and I've decided, there is NO MAGIC. It won't be something I read, or run across, or hear from some other mom. It's going to take not focusing on one area. I'm going to have to come at this from ALL angles.

This week, we're having a family meeting. Everyone needs to be involved to make this the best home and family, we can be. It means a sibling is going to be in charge of his taking his vitamins at meals. It means planning to take him for some behavioural counselling. It means I'm going to have to find what nutrition will help him best. Dad will have to find some place in our budget for the meds he might need. We'll have to have a planned response for coaches and neighbours who comment or ask. We need to call it teamwork, and it needs to be planned.

Here's what we've come up with. He's going once a month to a counselling session, 1 on 1, to learn how to cope with things that are bothering him at the moment.

He's starting Omega 3,6, 9 and a vitamin/mineral supplement.

He's getting a card for each of his chores so we can be clear on what is expected. Ex: Clean the bathroom means:... etc.

He's getting melatonin to help him sleep at night (Dr recommended).

Siblings are being instructed on "how" to talk about the issues as they arise. We call them "brain hiccups" at our house, when he's having difficulties. We're coming up with a plan on how to talk to people outside of our house about the issues without it making him labeled and sidelined (still in the works, let you know how that goes).

Team work... means we're going to cover this from all angles, we're all going to have to help out and we're all going to live with the results.

GO TEAM!!!

It's Hard to know Which End is Up.

Mysterious Child's Mom writes again.

Well, some days are just like that... I get confused.

I have this on-going "approach/avoid" thing with testing. I have had some testing done and found it to be more confusing than helpful. I am not sure I wanted him labeled and so.... when the time gets close, I avoid.

We just had our annual check up and Dr. thinks he should go get some testing done and gave him a script for meds. We tried two weeks of meds and decided to take him off. Now I have several appointments (some two years away) to have him evaluated and labeled.

I guess some days I just don't know what to do. Some days I have my head in the sand... some days... I think it'll be something he'll drag around his whole life .. some days I'm afraid I'm not doing enough... other days .. I think he's a genius and there's nothing wrong except that his mother doesn't understand him.

It's hard to know what end is up on these days.

By any other name...

Mysterious Child's Mom writes again.


Last summer I bought several rose plants. My intention was that I would have climbing roses to cover a trellis and make some shade in my yard. One of the roses I bought was planted for several weeks before I realized something was wrong.
Well, not wrong exactly.. but NOT what I had expected.

First clue, a bud opened and a flaming red rose came out... it was supposed to be white. The rose itself was small and there were many of them... my climbing rose was supposed to have large, strongly scented roses... this one had no smell.

Over time I realized that it wasn't a climber at all. It was a bush, low to the ground and fat. NOT what I expected, but I've gotten so many beautiful roses from my unexpected surprise. I couldn't expect it to grow up the side of the house and produce shade for me in my old age. I had to adjust my thinking about this rose.

Why does anyone bother to plant Roses? They are thorny. They need to be pruned. Though beautiful, they attract bees and did I mention they're thorny?

We buy them, because they are so beautiful, some are fragrant, some are long lasting, all have thorns. All need some care and pruning.

How is it with Roses .. we can overlook the thorns and focus on the color, the smell, the graceful flowers and somehow work around those thorns?

Don't we come prepared with armored gloves, sharp snippers and fully charged up on coffee? Don't we expect to have to face the thorns? Don't we just assume that will be part of the raising of a Rose?

My son is as sweet... even by a different name. In a way each of my children are Roses...
Some have a nice fragrance.
Some have beautiful color.
Some are graceful.
ALL have Thorns and need a little pruning.
Some times we don't get what we expected. Maybe not what we planned for, but a Rose is still a Rose ... thorns and all...

I'm gonna try to keep focusing on the flower...
not the thorns.

I'll try to prepare myself to deal with the maintenance of my "rose" by bringing in the tools necessary. I'll try to be well rested and well advised and patient.

Because Roses are lovely.

Son of my Joy

Mysterious Child's Mom writes again.

In the Biblical Story of Jacob; his wife Rachel dies soon after her second son is born and says to name him "Benjamin .. son of my joy". I have chosen to call my son that in these blogs because I have often thought it was the perfect name for him.
Not only was he long awaited, wanted and an answer to my mother's heart ... he was such a funny, silly, lovely child .. and still is.

People who know our family .. know that Ben is usually the child that brings laughter and drama to our lives. The stories of his antics will show up from time to time in my blogs. It's usually him ... he's the one who brings joy to many. He's funny. He's dramatic. He's expressive. He's sensitive and a child of joy.

Sounds wonderful, right?
Yeah... not always. This is about real life. He brings me alot of worry. He sometimes knows something is different and he gets depressed. He has feelings of insecurity and fear that raise their ugly heads at the most inopportune times.

Doctors are quick to say... meds. I resist.. I want him to be who he's created to be.. not a flat, controlled version. I like who he is, mostly. I search for what is right for him ... I will try many things.

I try to focus on the positive in his life ...
he is Benjamin.

The Mystery Begins....

Mysterious Child's Mom writes again.

The perfect baby boy, didn't come home with us. He had changed. It took us some time to figure out it wasn't a flu or being tired or normal baby issues.

We started to notice that he wasn't trying to speak. We use American Sign Language at home (ASL) so we thought he was just doing well at that. We noticed he couldn't walk up or down slopes. His ability to understand when he was dizzy was somehow limited to when he'd spun so long he couldn't even lift his head. He had a strange facination with tactile surfaces... licking screen doors, phones and such. He reacted in panic to other feelings like vasaline or mushy peas. Gagged on foods that were soft and wet.

He loved his soother (nuk) and when he was upset he calmed immediately with aid of it. He dragged his blanket everywhere for security and it seemed to have such drastic calming effect.

All of these "quirks" started to poke and prod at our hearts. Slowly, dawning on us, maybe there was something different about our baby boy. Parents don't want to entertain that thought... so we made excuses. After a time, we started to look into what the "quirks" were from.

A new path, a strange place, the beginning.

How did this all Begin?

We've come so far that looking back is to remember how hard we tried to have this child, a son. Infertility had been a long standing part of our quest to build a family and stood in the way of "choosing" when and where children would be added to our home.

When our beautiful middle child, Ben, was added to our family we were more than excited. He had beautiful blue eyes, full, chubby cheeks and a wonderful smile. He truly was the "son of my joy". He was the perfect baby. He ate when I fed him, he slept when I laid him down, he was content to play when it was time for that.
He was healthy, happy and beautiful.

When he was 8 months old, I discovered that I was pregnant again. Both thrilled and shocked, I knew this baby boy was going to be a great brother to my coming child. It wasn't long before fear threatened my confidence in how my next child and Ben would relate to each other.

Ben was 18 months old when he developed a strange and unexplained rash on his arms, legs and face. It was raised and purplish red, wart like. We took him to the hospital 3 times before they took him in to admit him. He had a fever that was out of control and he was very lethargic.

Meningitis was whispered in the halls. We were sent to isolation together with my new baby boy who was just days old. No one seemed to know what this was. They eventually ruled out Meningitis and controlled his fever after several days. In hind site, I've been told it was probably some kind of virus. Those days in the hospital were days of change, none of us could foresee.

The child that left there, was not my perfect baby anymore. He was changed. A new part of our journey was beginning.